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still higher

June 01, 2004

bs"d

this new light, this new life, has shifted the awareness of the place from which to communicate. no longer familiar, every day, every phrase, every breath is a newness that must be honored.

the past two days have opposed each other, sides of a coin, both perfect and round. Sunday night I rested with such awareness and presence, I hesitate to call it sleep. I was visited by a dream:

[The Mishna Brura begins "awake yourself like a lion."] Why "like a lion"? My dream replied, "k'ari" has the gematria of 231, as in [the reading of the word Israel as] Yesh-RAEL, "those with 231" [gates. The Sefer Yetzirah teaches that the 22 letters of the Hebrew alphabet can be paired uniquely in 231 'gates' (22! -- 22 factorial).]

Monday night, however, I slept with only retroactive awareness of my dreams, and I was tired all day.

I bought three new Ramchal books yesterday.

In the past fifteen minutes, two different people told me of the benefits of making Aliyah. It occurred to me, which washing dishes, that this would indeed be the easiest way to secure a return ticket before I went back to the States. Making Aliyah seems like a radical idea, but it also feels like the right, obvious choice. I wonder how long I will keep myself in indecision.

Posted June 1, 2004 11:09 PM